I am having such a hard time excepting that my daughter has cancer. I just don't understand. I am so heart broken and I cannot hardly sleep and eat. I try so hard, so I can be strong for her but I am so torn in side. Two weeks ago today is they day I found out she had a tumor behind her heart and I keep hearing the doctor saying over and over in my head. We spent a week at Dorenbecher's Children'd hospital and I was so busy with all the test and surgery to find out what kind of cancer she had I really had no time to just soak it all in. I am home now and reality has sunk in. She just looks so healthy on the out side and knowing on the inside is sick is killing me. She has 7 more treatments and it seems so far away. She is my baby and I hate seeing her hurt and seeing her go through this. I have litteraly woke up in my worst nightmere and I wish I would just wake up.

When I had her I had my perfect happy family one son and two daughters. Every check up a clean bill of health and the out of the blue Adriana wakes up with a limp. Then layed out, No more walking, crawling or rolling over. I just couldn't understand how a 15 month old goes from walking to not in four days. I am glad I know now but it's not what I wanted to hear. She has the biggest smile and the most beautiful eye lashes( I am even jelouse of) She loves to give you real kisses I have never seen a baby pucker up there lips like she does. She is just soooo perfect in my eyes. I think thats why I hate knowing she is sick on the inside. I'm sure that it will get a bit easier with time, but I wish I was already there.   Thanks for letting me vent. DeAnna

I'm so sorry. We are just getting started. Yesterday was a good day for me. I will keep you in my prayers also. Here is my e-mail address. I would love to keep in touch with you. kam_913@hotmail.com  you can also find us on caringbridge.com Id adrianagunty

On my e-mail there is an under score between the letters and #'s.  TTYS Deanna

I'm right there with you, Deanna.  My 35-month old daughter, Arden, was diagnosed the same day.  She has high risk, stage 4 NB, and we just got the crushing blow yesterday that the histopathology of the tumor is unfavorable, meaning not as responsive to treatment.  Yesterday, I felt as stunned, confused, and emotionally drained as I did on 10/11.   We are still in the hospital, with hopes for discharge instructions today, but we haven't heard anything yet.

I'm sure we'll go through weaker and stronger days, even moments in the days.  Please know that your daughter, you, and your family are in my thoughts & prayers, and you are not alone.  Please also remember to take care of yourself.  Eat, drink, do the things that re-energize you.  Find a good place to walk & scream out loud.  The stress can really do some serious damage to us, physically and mentally.  I know.  I'm with you, too. 

Best wishes for better days and better news,

Amy Bucher, rabucher99@yahoo.com